what the…?

…

i have no words.

give up

my pretty wings go to shame as i am endlessly degraded. i hold in the tears that instead turn into a built-up hatred, as every step i take is observed under a microscope. indirectly telling me i’m not good enough for respect, or flat out letting me know that my body just doesn’t make the cut. what i once thought were my god-given attributes are instead a warrant for public scrutiny. i am a spectacle that simultaneously serves to be his pleasure and dissatisfaction.

if i respond, or even give an angry glare, chaos. so i continue to walk, attempting to ignore my hair, skin, and nails being burnt to crisp. i survive– barely– as my daily walk is flooded with a storm of harassment. embarrassment.

but as i see through him, he turns my “stuck-up” demeanor into another warrant. oh, so you’re too good for us?

ATTACK.

like frantz fanon’s lived experience:
“they were countering my irrationality with rationality, my rationality with the ‘true rationality.’ i couldn’t hope to win.”

but of course, fanon doesn’t care about my lived experience. i am yet another obstruction to the his recognition. my internal criticism brings him down. my tears that have waited to surface are a sign of weakness that will resonate with the rest of the community. a pseudo-umma* that has replaced unity with one-sided support. not only are my emotions not good enough, they have become a detriment. i am a detriment and thereby deserve nothing more or less than pure disrespect.

“you have to be tough to be able to live,”**
i tell myself as my skin’s lack of moisture turns me into stone. i lift my head to the world and feel a frozen breeze blow from my forever-imperfect body. the breeze of anger and conditioned oblivion that i once questioned has finally absorbed into my bloodstream.

i fall over, comply.

i can’t handle this newfound hatred i have. not for the world, nor myself. no, for “my people.”

and i give up on them.

____________________
*Umma, Arabic for community.
**Also from Frantz Fanon’s “Lived Experience of the Black Man,” Black Skin, White Masks.

…

afterthoughts: i wrote this a while back, in response to what i saw as the antithesis of unity and harmony. and although i labeled this as an “off-topic” post (definitely a little more personal than my usual stuff), i think this important topic ties back to what we discuss at black queen. we have frequently discussed internal degradation that shows through in family members telling us to get a perm, or “friends” constantly scrutinizing our hairstyles. but where does this come from? how do our interactions with men (whether regarding our hair or not) relate to how we treat each other as women? how do our interactions with men relate to how we see ourselves?

dear obama: on education.

Dear President Obama,

First, I would like to commend you on announcing the American Graduation Initiative and acknowledging the importance of community colleges. While interning for Women Employed, a Chicago-based social advocacy organization, I gained first-hand knowledge of the many difficulties that today’s community college students face. The interviews I had with single mothers attending Olive Harvey College allowed me to apply their individual stories to the bigger picture.

Work-study is hardly given to students who actually need it. Childcare is either limited to a small age window or not provided at all. Most importantly, too many community college students aren’t provided with the academic, financial, and guidance counseling that is vital to any student’s education. If these are the problems that students face now, can you envision what their situations will be like after the budget cuts have surfaced?

The goal of social mobility through higher education must remain tangible to anyone. It is hence crucial that work-study, grants, and loans are more properly allocated to low-income students who are having difficulties finding a job during this recession. On-campus housing shouldn’t be limited to students who don’t have children. Colleges need to have support systems that will guide their students through the difficulties of juggling school, family, and work. Finally, community college students should never resort to throwing in the towel, whether it is because of lack of financial aid or lack of affordable childcare.

WE’s Clear Connections Project has successfully linked a coalition of community colleges to lawmakers in Illinois, so that colleges can effectively communicate what is working and what isn’t. This program should likewise be found across the nation so that any and all barriers to higher education are acknowledged and stopped. If more lawmakers gain the first-hand knowledge that I did, the American Graduation Initiative will really make a difference.

First, I would like to commend you on announcing the American Graduation Initiative and acknowledging the importance of community colleges. While interning for Women Employed, a Chicago-based social advocacy organization, I gained first-hand knowledge of the many difficulties that today’s community college students face. The interviews I had with single mothers attending Olive Harvey College allowed me to apply their individual stories to the bigger picture.

Work-study is hardly given to students who actually need it. Childcare is either limited to a small age window or not provided at all. Most importantly, too many community college students aren’t provided with the academic, financial, and guidance counseling that is vital to any student’s education. If these are the problems that students face now, can you envision what their situations will be like after the budget cuts have surfaced?

The goal of social mobility through higher education must remain tangible to anyone. It is hence crucial that work-study, grants, and loans are more properly allocated to low-income students who are having difficulties finding a job during this recession. On-campus housing shouldn’t be limited to students who don’t have children. Colleges need to have support systems that will guide their students through the difficulties of juggling school, family, and work. Finally, community college students should never resort to throwing in the towel, whether it is because of lack of financial aid or lack of affordable childcare.

WE’s Clear Connections Program has successfully linked a coalition of community colleges to lawmakers in Illinois, so that colleges can effectively communicate what is working and what isn’t. This program should likewise be found across the nation so that any and all barriers to higher education are acknowledged and stopped. If more lawmakers gain the first-hand knowledge that I did, the American Graduation Initiative will really make a difference.

feel up.

i was watching a documentary on storme delarverie, a male impersonator and performer during the 1950’s and 60’s. grace jones was also brought up, along with the overall struggle of playing with gender roles, especially in the african american community. grace jones has stood out to me for a while now when considering the media’s portrayal of black women and how this has affected the general public’s perception of us.

slave to the rhythm. a view to kill. nightclubbing. grace’s resume consists of works that, for the most part, scared her audience. but she was a star, and that couldn’t be disputed. the woman who appeared ‘mannish’ in photo and film truly glowed outside of hollywood. even while watching interviews with grace jones, her true beauty shines through in a bubbling character and bright smile. but why didn’t we get to see that on the silver screen? this issue was touched upon in america’s next top model, where cycle 2 contestant xiomara was not happy with her assignment to replicate grace jones. her dark complexion is another factor to consider, i.e. the overall disapproval 0f dark skin amongst whites and blacks (blacks especially) when it comes to beauty.

above all, i honestly don’t think grace jones was ever portrayed as human. she was given an alpha-female, dark chocolate ‘otherness’ role to the public, and her entire marketing campaign was another opportunity to separate the black woman from society. she [the general black woman] is associated with an intangible mystique that separates her from any other woman, while similarly confirming the problematic dialectic between black women counterparts. part scary, part unknown. undeniably conflicted.

i hope we can one day overcome the burden of conforming and reestablishing the past, continuously. i hope our strength and beauty can be recognized not only by others, but more importantly by every one of us.

The World of Grace Jones. theworldofgracejones.com

featured artist: tabitha bianca brown

this is some amazing artwork. tabitha bianca brown uses mixed media, graphite, photoshop, among other mediums to create these:

click here to view larger images.

check out more of her work at the pairabirds, her website.

More Advice to Obama: Get Out Of Vacation Mode

The Obamas kept a low profile while vacationing on the island of Oahu. Aside from daily trips to the gym and golf courses, the president-elect seldom left his vacation retreat, a rented $9 million home near Honolulu. When he did venture out, it usually was to grab some shave ice, a local treat, look at baby tigers at the zoo or take some other child-friendly excursion.

While on vacation, Obama did his best to stay out of the discussion over the escalating violence in the Middle East, where Israeli troops launched an offensive against Hamas leaders who had fired rockets from Gaza. … Pro-Palestinian activists protested outside Obama’s vacation home on Tuesday and urged a new approach to the Middle East. Obama did not acknowledge them.

{Source: AP via Yahoo! News}

.

Dear Obama,
Vacation is over. Now is the time to at least pretend like you care about Gaza.

See also: Nowhere to Run [AlJazeeraEnglish on YouTube]

Advice to Obama: Less Generalizations, More Specifics

Alright, I’m gonna switch gears a little bit, because I’ve had this on my mind for a while now.

I think we can all agree that Barack Obama is finally attacking McCain in an effective and honest way that informs voters of his faults. Throughout this and the past two presidential elections, the Republican smear-laden campaigns have too often overpowered the other side’s voice, resulting in eight years of the Bush administration. And now, it’s good to see Obama finally fight back in a way that will actually wake some people up.

However, something is still missing. Barack Obama hasn’t really given specific evidence of the who, what, when, where, and why that is found in his ads and speeches. He frequently speaks of the lobbyists in McCain’s campaign, not to mention the “voting with Bush 90% of the time” stuff. But if this is constantly said and not backed up (and it can be backed up), some people are left questioning the truth of what’s being said. Politicians don’t have the best track record of telling the truth, for good reason. Therefore, Obama needs to dig deeper, in a way that reveals the flaws of his opponent without compromising his own integrity. And trust me, it’s not that difficult.

Who are the lobbyists? What are their names? How are they affiliated with the failed policies of the Republican party?

What are specific incidents of John McCain voting with Bush? What unpopular policies are McCain for that will make the next four years like the last eight if he’s elected? How does his position on the economy, abortion, the war in Iraq, etc contradict his newer promise of “change”?

While these questions have been answered in some ads, Obama is found many times speaking too generally. He needs to give names, dates and specific policies, so that voters don’t doubt what he’s saying. There are too many people who are on the fence right now, and in order to really convince them, they need cold hard evidence. Keep playing videos of McCain boasting that he voted with Bush. Use his quotes of promising change against him by showing how much John McCain has changed: from someone who could have been considered a maverick, to a George W. Bush clone. His inconsistencies are crucial right now, and this is Obama’s opportunity to take advantage of them.

—–

ETA: Just one of the many, many people who attended a rally in Alaska.

Nice. (Thanks, mudflats.)

baking soda, brown sugar, and salt: natural, cheap exfoliators

i recently tried out a couple of natural ingredients for my skin, namely baking soda with some salt (on my face), and brown sugar with olive oil (on my body). i got fantastic results, so i thought i’d share how i went about using these ingredients. not only are these ingredients much cheaper than your average scrubs and skin care products, but they are also pure and naturally-derived. most importantly, they work ten times better than those pricey products with the ingredients that you can’t pronounce.

baking soda & salt facial scrub: you can do this with or without the salt, but i chose to use salt so as to get rid of dead skin and roughness. baking soda by itself is a great antiseptic and does a great job clearing dirt, blackheads, oil, etc. salt smooths everything out by getting rid of dead skin.
i added some baking soda on my palm, and mixed in some salt too. then, i added water, and mixed everything in the palm of my hand. i applied the scrub to my face, and gently massaged thoroughly. my skin is very oily and acne-prone, so i was pleased to feel smooth, clear skin once i rinsed out the scrub! i will probably do this treatment every week, or so. i wouldn’t recommend doing it too frequently. also, don’t forget to moisturize your skin after exfoliating.

brown sugar body scrub: i had some brown sugar in my pantry that hadn’t been used in a while, and figured i’d use it as a body scrub. after taking a shower, i mixed a handful of the brown sugar with some olive oil (just enough to moisten the sugar; don’t add too much). i scrubbed the mixture on my legs, knees, arms, and elbows. after i rinsed the scrub, my skin felt incredibly soft. this is especially great if you plan on showing your legs and want them to be extra smooth and soft after shaving!

olive oil is also a great moisturizer for the body. i’ve noticed that my skin is much more even-toned, soft, and healthy-looking when i use olive oil regularly on my skin.

olive oil as a body oil: for the past few months, i’ve been using olive oil as a skin moisturizer, rather than regular lotion. after showering/bathing, i apply a thin layer of olive oil all over my body. i do this before i’m out of the shower, when my skin is still extremely wet. that way, the oil will seal in the moisture from the water, instead of just sitting on top of my dry skin. i take a quarter sized amount of olive oil, rub it between both hands, and smooth it onto my skin. repeat until the entire body is moisturized. after applying the olive oil, i pat my skin dry with a towel, so as to get rid of any excess oil and water. once my skin is dry, it feels soft and looks incredibly healthy. i have yet to find a better moisturizer for my skin!
if you plan on using olive oil, remember to apply it on damp/soaking wet skin. if it’s applied on dry skin, it will only sit and make you look greasy. also: a little goes a long way.

~~~

side dish: i also plan on using baking soda as a clarifying treatment for my hair. i’ll be sure to let you guys know how that turns out!